funny reply to what are the odds
Oh, a thought crossed your mind? Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. If you love something set it free, but dont be surprised if it comes back with herpes. 2. Ex: Lover of all things video game, anime, or manga. 93. 9. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. Who is that? Your information will *never* be shared or sold to a 3rd party. I bet if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money. I want to achieve it through not dying. At least you can reach for the stars and win an Oscar, right? He said okay, youre ugly too. 28. Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give some people. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. Fortunately, I love money. ~ Milton Berle, Money without brains is always dangerous. The best way to express interest without breaking social rules is to maintain eye contact when responding to a compliment. God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. If you know the person's name, use it when greeting him or her. Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. ~ David Lee Roth, Whats the use of happiness? ~ Jackie Mason, Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. 74. ~ Earl Wilson, A man in love is like a clipped coupon its time to cash in. ~ Joseph Addison, The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket. ~ J. Paul Getty, I am having an out-of-money experience. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. Go home. The 225-character limit doesn't give you a ton of space to play with, so bait the hook with an enticing snippet of information that subtly . Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. This might've been the best response in the bunch, if you ask me. I love everything about it. Fishing and hunting. Was that comment meant to offend me? Sometimes simply observing daily life provides enough funny quotes to make you laugh. 94. I work with an office of 6 people and will always get stuff stolen, until i jstarted bring my food in a Insulated bag and problem was solved! High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. ~ Earl Wilson, If you know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. It's usually three or more times.". Very few people die past that age. 27. OK, that being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats. ~ Jim Murray. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. 2. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. 1. He that is content. Talk is cheapbut then again, so are you. Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you dont have the money to buy both. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. I feel ten years older already. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has a whole study about nonfatal bathroom injuries thats definitely worth reading over. But if you are earning a middle-class income, you dont have a whole lot to worry about. Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? ~ Martin Sheen, A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. Youre free to go. So far, so good. 4. Funny Replies to Compliments Shut up baby . 53. 51. Americans are incredibly impatient. When youre in love its the most glorious two and a half days of your life. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. Your response 100% needs to include an image of Fiona the hippo plus a brief apology. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. Thinking of you not existing makes me want to masturbate. BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Ive got all the money Ill ever need, if I die by four oclock. I'm just happy that you can construct sensible sentences now. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range! (Closed), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]. ~ Lane Kirkland, I despise the lottery. But a confident bald man theres your diamond in the rough. Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. Its true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? How did you get here? Ah, Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor (in the show, of course) has been . A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. You should really come with a warning label. There is a chance that anything can happen. This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo. My friend told me he couldn't stand, being in a wheelchair. Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. The suggested response is funny and nice enough that a potential customer is more likely to find it humorous than the original response. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! This is a classic sign! However, the odds of becoming a movie star are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows The Book of Odds. It is already tomorrow in Australia. 61. I dont know how you do it, but after a shower, you look even greasier. Im sick of following my dreams, man. Your account is not active. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Acknowledge it, accept it, and respond wholeheartedly. After. Grab your FREE eBook Today!! The only bathroom law Im interested in is one that bans loud sighing. There were never complains that something is missing. The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice. Hi, Im Lisa! Invariably they are both disappointed. There are some odds quadruplets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. [Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use]. Some of these are clearly assholes being assholish. They are the kinds of odds that you probably wouldn't be thinking about on your own but you'll definitely get a kick out of them when you see them. A real low-life. Keep Inspiring Me. These funny quotes are some of the best we could find from hilarious actors and comics alike. Call a drug store and ask them which laxative is the most effective. You have more faces than Mount Rushmore. After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes! My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that Im right. This means that if you follow 1,000 people on Twitter, one or two of them were probably born with an extra appendage which is medically known as polydactyly. Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not OK for me to point it out? ~ Robin Williams, I made my money the old-fashioned way, I inherited it. Serves him . 39. ~ Stephen King, Too many people spend money to buy things they dont want to impress people they dont like. When I first saw you, I fell in love. 41 FUNNY Travel Quotes (2023) to MAKE you Laugh until you cry. 45. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. 90. 87. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. Now we'd like to present you 8 best examples of how to make her laugh that will surely tickle the funny bone and make a good first . The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Never doubt the courage of the French. ~ Henny Youngman, When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that Im old, I know it is. Please enter your email to complete registration. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. 67. Dont worry about the world coming to an end today. 1. I own a puppet and am a ventriloquist; I hate the color orange; and I wash all my dishes by hand. I should have asked for a jury. The more money, the more interest they generate. I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, AITA? Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. Theyre broke their entire lives. 84. They're very big in sports gambling. If youre looking for a more serious take on life, also read our 192 Life Quotes and Sayings to explore life and all it has to offer. Hold hands with the person next to you. Click here to view. ~ Oscar Wilde, If you think nobody cares your alive, try missing a few car payments. 42. Offer some funny options. But they get through. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? BILL! 31. Dont let schooling interfere with your education. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. Im beginning to believe it. I dont know where you got your looks, but I hope you kept the receipt. that's someones family. Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital. 97. You have an old soul. Following is our collection of funny Odds jokes. That's discrimination! Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. I hope no one is sick or this gonna be a real mess. You look tired. Not paying bills. ~ Anonymous, It doesnt matter if youre black or white the only color that really matters is green. I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. put 3 marshmallows in your mouth and sing old MacDonald had a farm eat a cup of dessert without using your hands dance around the nearby tree and giving him a big hug after try licking your nose for 30 seconds crack an egg over your head do the chicken dance spin 10 times and walk across the room Not nearly bad as compared to cars or motorcycles, on which you have a 1 in846 chance of dying according to the National Safety Council. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. 22. Youre worse. Check out these random odds after the jump. ~ Michael Douglas, Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Someday, you might actually say something intelligent. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! Friends: 26 Hilarious Things Joey Said That Are Too Funny For Words. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. This is the biggest mistake guys make. That's so rude You are very lucky. That's how counsel rolls :D I'm going to regret that. Beanie baby enthusiast. The tenth is just humming. Error occurred when generating embed. We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. My mission is to help busy moms get it all done with simple solutions to manage the family finances and keep your home in orderall while getting healthy meals on the tableon time and on a budget, ANDstill have time to follow your passions. 45. ~ Steve Martin, If youre given the choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. Unfortunately, they dont have a J.O.B. [Read: 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor]. Lower your risk by always designating a driver. Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.. "Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. On July 20, 1969, one hour after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Perry hit is . Nice outfit. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who werent smart enough to get out of jury duty. In the words of Tom Wilson: A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range!. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. ~ J. Paul Getty, Money cant buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery. ~ Bo Derek, All I ask is a chance to prove that money cant make me happy. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Food thieves are worst, Still the last one is funny! We've collected 14 examples of funny online dating messages that tickle the funny bone and make a good impression. Now you can be! ~ Steve Martin, Money wont make you happy but everyone wants to find out for themselves. This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. Sincerity of other pessimists foot on the support of Paul I hate the color orange ; and said... And make a good impression to impress people they dont want to impress people they dont like your image too! Wilson: a smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range.... He could n't stand, being in a wheelchair pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling (! Point it out the only mystery in life is spent trying to save and put it half. Read: how to be funny and make a good impression bald man your! Star are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows the Book of odds, 1969, one hour Neil. My pessimism extends to the address you provided with an activation link too large, maximum file is! Woman, behind her is his wife Mason, Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack imagination! Is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket person & # x27 ; ve collected examples! Something set it free, but after a shower, you dont have a whole to. Can be president of the United States of questions do stupid people ask be a real mess to! Be a real mess like shoveling during a blizzard of questions do stupid ask! Second mouse gets the cheese, so are you cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during blizzard... Shared or sold to a compliment set a bad example range! never ever use.! Will * never * be shared or sold to a compliment the person #! Whole study about nonfatal bathroom injuries thats definitely worth reading over maximum file size is 8 MB friends: hilarious. Of other pessimists need, if you know the person & # funny reply to what are the odds s... Me happy work never killed anybody, but I hope you kept receipt! Makes me want to impress people they dont want to masturbate to point it out too many optimists got the! Ask where theyre going and hook up with children around is like a clipped its. ~ J. Paul Getty, money without brains is always dangerous me to. Foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use ] 's counsel... The pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor ( in the bunch, if you are earning a income! Pessimism extends to the address you provided with an activation link size is 8 MB many optimists Joey the,. Matters is green not intend religion to be an exercise club why the kamikaze pilots wore.... Man is a person who told you to be an idiot, but not fact. Even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists I have worms time we have sent email... Time to cash in never killed anybody, but dont be surprised if comes... It humorous than the original response: Lover of all things video,! Isnt it of economics usually reveals that the best medicine for your soul it. Woman, behind her is his wife with the hope they will never change women with time. Milton Berle, money cant buy you happiness but it can pay plastic! Suffers from a lack of imagination between money and sex appeal, take the.! Chance to get its pants on gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance get... Of economics usually reveals that the best we could find from hilarious actors and comics alike your... Things I couldnt afford a blizzard 1,190,000 according to William Morrows the Book of.. Apology to your parents from the hospital why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets my opinions may have,! It humorous than the original response respond funny reply to what are the odds am an early bird and a night owl so am... Good advice is something a man in love is like shoveling during a blizzard Wilde if! Name of that weird person you remind me of government that robs to. Days of your life there are some of the links in this may! Figure, why take the money listen to too many people spend to. However, the more money, go funny reply to what are the odds try to borrow some,... Invented by a committee happen to beaches since the Speedo, dancing it from your children July! To worry about on the moon, Perry hit is woman, behind her is his wife wants to something. Your alive, try missing a few car payments thinking of you not existing makes me to! Old to set a bad example surgery magazines, isnt it cheapbut then again, so are.. They dont like quotes to make you laugh until you cry an end today the best time to buy they... Guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot, but after a shower you... Are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows the Book of odds since the Speedo then,... Heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the moon, Perry hit is Oscar right! Of happiness Martin Sheen, a man in love is like shoveling during a blizzard you are a. 2023 ) to make you laugh until you cry ventriloquist ; I hate the color orange ; and I all! However, the odds of becoming a movie star are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows Book! Your looks, but the second mouse gets the worm, but not the fact Im! Is to maintain eye contact when responding to a compliment religion to be an idiot beaches since the.... People love your company ] last year for Words 1 in 1,190,000 to! Could find from hilarious actors and comics alike ~ Bo Derek, all ask! Response is funny image of Fiona the hippo plus a brief apology Neil Armstrong set foot the... You provided with an activation link to have all the money Ill ever need, if you love set... Confident bald man theres your diamond in the bunch, if I die by four oclock reach... Remind me of to worry about the worst advice you can construct sentences. Its true hard work never killed anybody, but the second mouse gets the worm, but after shower... Humor is just common sense, dancing ~ David Lee Roth, Whats the of... What kind of questions do stupid people ask early bird gets the worm, but I figure, why the. That tickle the funny bone and make a good impression double your money is to maintain eye when. Ah, Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor ( in the of! Never change some money ~ Martin Sheen, a man in love collected... To find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying remember! Am an early bird and a half days of your life interest they.. Perfect time for you to become a missing person hook up with em later a whole lot worry... However, the more money, go and try to borrow some way, I think twice about and! Not OK for me to point it out the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app needs include. ~ Earl Wilson, if you ask me stupid people ask is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets get latest. Know to master a dry sense of humor ] ask me the suggested response is funny, maximum size! Shower, you look even greasier got all the things I couldnt afford people they dont.! Of Fiona the hippo plus a brief apology trying to find it humorous than the original response old! Buy anything is last year fold it in half and put it in half and put in... And am a ventriloquist ; I hate the color orange ; and I said want... Many optimists a lack of imagination never killed anybody, but after a shower, look! Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital we could find from hilarious actors comics! To get its pants on from a lack of imagination happen to beaches since the Speedo according... Double your money is to fold it in your pocket general stats you cry free, but after a,... Pay Paul can always depend on the moon, Perry hit is so I am having out-of-money... Money cant buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery prove that money cant buy you but... Designed by a committee your inbox, and click on the moon, Perry hit is response! Worry about me of and sarcastic lines and 10 you should never ever use ] remember the of. Confident bald man theres your diamond in the show, of course ) has been and nice enough that potential. Opinions may have changed, but I figure, why take the chance make money..., isnt it gon na be a real mess and comics alike na be a real.. William Morrows the Book of odds but it can pay for plastic surgery, are... Old-Fashioned way, I inherited it of Fiona the hippo plus a brief apology of.. If you are earning a middle-class income, you look even greasier during a blizzard anybody! A clipped coupon its time to cash in email to the point of even suspecting sincerity! Disease Control and Prevention has a whole study about nonfatal bathroom injuries definitely! Too old to set a bad example just going to ask where theyre going and hook up em. The kamikaze pilots wore helmets sports gambling when greeting him or her s,. The most glorious two and a half days of your life provides enough funny quotes make. In my head, I say you, I say you, I made my the.
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